Crazy Daze, Silly Knights

It is that time of year again. When all parents' children become impossible to wake up. This condition is not due to any reported illness on CNN, MSNBC, Fox or any other alphabet soup news medium. You won't find any articles about this condition on the internet. In fact it will go unnoticed if you do not have school age children. If you DO have children in school, you know what I am referring to. It is commonly referred to as School's Almost Done Syndrome. Some kids have a similar condition all year round. A School Always Sucks condition....they never wanted to go to school, not from the first day of kindergarten. Not all kids get SAS, but the SAS kids can get SAD. All kids have another condition for a day or two around holiday breaks or final exam times, the Time Off for Present. TOPs is short lived because they all know they go back again in a week or two. SAD hits 99.9% of the school going children right around 2 weeks before school is out for summer. When the condition ...

Every year I try to make some sort of effort in planting flowers and plants around the house. I buy all sorts of nifty items to try and help me in my endeavors. Every year I start with good intentions. Every year I fail because I lose interest. There is an aspect of planting that is fun. Digging in the dirt....working with your hands. Putting something in the ground that is supposed to grow into something of wonder and amazement. Problem is it takes too long and I am not a patient woman. What I planted in May quickly becomes forgotten by June. I also can't tell the difference between a plant or a weed or a tree sprouting in the middle of my weeds. I do not have the green thumb....or even a green hangnail. I do believe I have a touch similar to plant fungi and mites. It doesn't matter what comes into my house or out of it....if it has roots it will DIE....it will be a long and painful death, too. I have killed every plant imaginable, even the ones they say an idiot can grow. Cl...

The scene.....in the house 45 minutes before we are going somewhere we have no other choice to be. There is a dress requirement for one or both of the kids. A voice carries throughout the house, "Mom, where is my (insert necessary article of clothing they have lost, i.e. bowtie for orchestra or white shirt for orchestra or a shoe for the other foot). Sigh.... Another scene....a child turning over everything in the house in a desperate search for a mystery item. After they have sufficiently made a mess, a frustrated voice utters, "Mom, where is my (insert name of desired item)." Groan... Another scene....a child standing in front of the refrigerator.....NOT bending at the waist. The child closes the door, circles the kitchen, looks in the pantry, goes back to the refrigerator....goes back to the pantry....then back to the refrigerator. Finally the plea rises up, "Mom, where is the (insert the missing condiment)" or "Mom, what do we have to eat?" You ha...

I have a teenager. For those of you with teenagers you understand the signficance of what that means. For those of you that do not have teenagers it doesn't seem like it is a big deal. Trust me....it is. Let me start this with a disclaimer. I love my teen, he is a good kid. He hasn't been dropped off by the police, the school doesn't call except every once in a while and I believe he might actually go on to college. He has decent friends, and as far as I know they have never done anything bad in my house. So I do not have the "troubled teen." I do, however, have all the reminders of why I never want to go back and be a teenager again. Frankly, I think I volunarily blanked out most of my teenage years. I was a geek....and a klutz...and a fashion disaster. I never had good training from my parents and I was essentially lost most of the time in high school. I had a good group of friends that put up with me and I thank God for them to this day. I remember being nervou...

When does planning get out of hand? I ask this as someone who is not a really big planner. I am not a "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of a gal, but I also do not schedule my every move. I ask this because while I was typing out my schedule in my Blackberry, I realized that some things were being planned in September. It is only May. To me, this is a bit disturbing. I'm not even out of spring and yet I'm planning events in the dog days of summer. It is like my life is in fast forward. But I know people who have things scheduled a year in advance. Which boggles my mind. How does anyone really know what they are doing in a year from now. I assume I'll still be here, doing what I normally do. But for all I know I could get a wild urge to join the circus and become a trapeez artist. I doubt that will happen, I am afraid of heights and I can't draw (wait for it...that one will come to you), but still...how does a person really know? I once was told, "If you...

I have a dog....his name is Monty. My family and I picked him up from the pound shortly after we had to put our other dog down. We wanted another animal to love, to give a home to another lost critter. When we arrived at the animal shelter we saw Monty on a leash. He was a 3 month old Golden Retriever and Bernese Mountain dog mix and just as cute as he could be. The owner had just dropped him off and hour before we arrived at the shelter. It was love at first site. The dear little puppy didn't lunge at the cat near him and didn't seem put off by all the commotion around him. He was good natured and loving with the kids. After spending some time with him we all agreed he was a perfect fit. It is interesting, but I don't remember his original name....I always remember him as Monty. I joked when we called him that because I said Monty was short for 3-card-Monty. Little did I know there was more truth to that joke than I realized because I believe that dog conned us from the ...

I have discovered I have a new fear. Jelly Beans. My fear began as a love of jelly beans. Jelly beans always had a feeling of "spring is here" for me. Mostly because they were in those plastic eggs at Easter. It was a simple idea too....put sugar and flavors in ovals. Easy to eat, easy to store. Then came the gourmet jelly beans. They added flavors we never heard of and opened up whole new worlds for jelly bean lovers. We could now taste what a pina colada would taste like if it was bite size and warm. Buttery sweet popcorn now had no fat in it and didn't leave an oily mess on the hands. Cotton Candy, bubble gum and apple were all able to live in harmony in the bag and there was no mess involved. The jelly bean makers made the jelly beans many different colors. They even speckled them to once they rain out of appealing colors. So entered the confusion. My problem began when I grabbed what should have been a green apple and instead grabbed a chocolate flavored bean. Thi...

Ever since I was a young child I loved animals. I always read books about them, watched Mutual Omaha's Wild Kingdom faithfully, drew pictures of them and had fuzzy critter posters all over my room. Everything in me screamed at a very young age I wanted warm and fuzzy critters in my house. I swore when I got older I would get a dog and anything else with fur. Eventually adulthood hit and, sure enough, I found the perfect dog for me and the family. It was an Alaskan Malamute named Titan. The owner had to either give him away or put him in a shelter. I was hesitant to take a dog that big. Titan weighed in at 135 lbs. He was big for his breed. But he charmed us all and we took him home with us. I have to say that Malamutes are rather interesting....they vocalize a lot. If they want attention, they make this low rumble in their throat. At first he freaked me out because I thought he was growling at me all the time. Turns out...he was just looking to chat me up. It is not like you could...

Today is April Fools Day. The origins of the day is sketchy. It could have started when we switched from the Gregorian calendar to the Julian calander. It could have been started when people decided to plant their seeds a month too early on the calander. (Clearly some take early planting of seeds a little too seriously and as a time to play "slam the neighbor.) Or maybe when a French king decided to change the celebration of New Year's Day to January and taking the opportunity to make fun of all of those that choose to hold to tradition and celebrate it in April (kings can be so testy sometimes and quick with a quip) It could be when Noah decided to let the first bird out of the Ark and the bird decided that hanging out in the Bahamas was better than another 40 days on the rather ripe smelling Ark and never returned. I like to think of it as a big joke on the entire population. We willing mark a day on the calander to let people know that TODAY is the day we submit ourselves t...

Okay, don't deny it, you know exactly what movie that is from. And chances are you can't help but to smile when Patrick Swayze says it. That final dance scene....you're doing a little chair dancing when no one is looking. You have to do it when no one is looking because it is not acceptable to like that movie in public. It's one of those guilty movie pleasures. Which brings me to my rant of the day....movie snobs and critics. I'm not calling out only those critics that make a living of going to the movies for a living and nit picking afterwards. I mean hey, if I could get that gig, I'd do it, too. The hardest part of the day is sitting through a bad movie (Dune comes to mind....*shiver*). You go out with a pen and an attitude and you can make a name for yourself by not liking stuff and telling people to avoid the movie that has earned your distain. That's a career I can get behind. I'm mostly referring to the non-paid critics. The ones who make you feel ...

It's spring. Spring is the time of year when people get this urge, and urge that cannot be resisted, and urge that demands them to act. And urge that compels them to get down and get dirty. I am referring to spring cleaning, of course. The annual drive where many people awaken from the winter with the drive to get rid of everything they have been cuddled up to all winter long. This is something that may not affect those people who life in regions where the winter doesn't involve a shovel. Or getting hit by the wind so hard you get chilled to the bone. Where the weatherman never suggests that you stay in because it is too cold to go out. Spring might just be another day on the calendar for them. For those of us in the colder regions, spring is like a grand awakening. Fact is when the sun peeks its head out from behind the clouds, it is a topic of conversation. Perfect strangers will say, "Doesn't the sun feel good? How I have missed it!" It is perfectly natural to ...

I have recently come to the conclusion that my coffee table is out to get me. I know this sounds crazy. How can an inanimate object have that kind of goal in its existence? It is wood and glass and whatever else holds it together. It isn't capable of rational or irrational thought. I've realized this. And I agree. But I believe my table is haunted by a poltergeist. It's the only explanation I have. This table used to be the object of my affection. It held my books and notes on it without complaint. It held my drinks and laptop with ease. Never was there a harsh word spoken between us. Until.....it started attacking me. The first few times I bumped into the coffee table I assumed it was just my fault. I was being a klutz and not looking where I am going. But things are getting out of control. My legs are constantly covered with coffee table height bruises. The table constantly jumps in front of me and makes me smack my toes on it too. 2 weeks ago I swore I broke my pinky toe...

I wear glasses. This is not anything unusual, many people wear glasses. When I first realized I needed glasses around 8 years ago I was a bit taken aback. I always considered glasses as a sign of getting older. It is an irrational thought because there are grade school kids with glasses, and heck they are WAY younger than me...chronologically speaking only on some days, but still, younger than me. But sometimes being illogical is part of being a human being. And I fit in that category. I came to terms with the glasses a long time ago. I was willing to do what it took to make sure I don't do any damage to myself and others and to be able to read and write without getting any headaches. My last appointement with my eye doctor took me to another level of reality. By the end of the visit, I was ordering bifocals. Bifocals. Not only does it hurt to say the word, but reading it on the screen causes a bit of a pinch too. It's crazy really, because I know the only thing that is taking ...

I'm going to start this by saying I don't know why I am starting a blog. I write...a lot. I talk even more. But the writing is a passion of mine. I have long streams of consiousness that just come out sometimes like raging river, sometimes like a babbling brook. Doesn't matter the topic, it just flow out. Editing isn't always done either. This might make "red inkers" nutz, but sometimes the best way to break a stream of thought is to worry about where the comma or period go. Don't get me wrong. I am a firm believer in correct word usage and correct grammer. But the constant worry of if my writing or ideas is good enough for people to read is so overwhelming there can be a though out there that unless it is proper it isn't worthy. I oppose that view. So this kind of explains why I am giving this a whirl. I'm not saying my thoughts are right or rational. But they are mine. What I write about will be whatever is on my mind, from the humorous to the no...