2020

People (on NYE): Happy New Year! Just think of the things we will do this year! All the possibilities!

2019: Dudes, come on, I wasn’t that bad, right? Why are you tossing me to the curb?

People: F u 2019! We got nothing but good times and possibilities ahead of us! Sure, you might have had good times, but 2020 has more to come.

Fate: Muh hahahahahahahaha

People: Did you hear a weird laughter on the post-midnight air?

Fate Nope. (disappears)

People: So…anyway. 2019, screw you, better times are ahead.

2019: My younger sibling is a dick, btw. I’m just sayin…

2020: I’m so telling dad. 

2019: Whatever, I’m outta here. Good luck with these crazy, ungrateful, assholes.

Father Time: Don’t make me get your Mother, She is tired of all of your shit.

2019: I don’t care, I’m barely even here.

2020: Way to run a house, Dad. Make Mom take care of business.

Father Time: It has been a long year and I’m getting too old for this shit. I’m letting her deal with your asses.

2020: Ooooo….I’m so scared….Just let 2019 know I’m the biggest and the best and no one will love me morel

Mother Nature: I was napping, who the fuck woke me up?

Father Time: The youngest…again.

2020: Time…Nature…you are such an assholes, you always loved 2019 better. Look, I’m here and 2019 is gone. So you gotta deal with me now. I’m the coolest and people will love me the best of all time. You all are losers!

Father Time: Did he just call us by our first names?

Mother Nature: Yes he did. Don’t worry, I got this.

2020: Ohhhhh….I’m so scared. (sniffs) do you smell something burning?

People: We finally recovered from NYE, let’s check out the internet and see what is happening…HOLY SHIT IS AUSTRALIA ON FIRE???

2020: That was not me. My parents are dicks.

People: Take some responsibility! You can’t blame your parents for everything! Grow up 2020.  Damn Millennial…

2020: Do you not even get how generations work?

People: We know that you need to get your shit together. Look at us, we know how to behave. If you follow the rules, then everything works out fine.

2020: Really….so…do you like bats?

People: That doesn’t even make sense.

2020: Oh it will.

2019: I told you he was crazy…

2020: Am not 

2019: Are too

Mother Nature: They are at it again!

Father Time: Don’t make me turn this year back again!

2020: He started it! He thinks he is better at taking care of his 365 than I am.

2019: You haven’t paid attention to your year in months. Why don’t you check it out?

2020: Pfft….how bad could it have gotten?

People: We are 3 months into the year! Crazy people in power, countries are burning, and a bat-virus has got us a bit worried!

2020: Wear masks, wash hands, don’t lick public windows, you will be fine. Relax. Also, don’t be dicks to each other.

2019: So….how ya doing on taking care of your year?

2020: I turned my back for a minute, but no worries, I gave them instructions so they should be fine.

(2 months later)

2020: What the actual fuck? I went to the kitchen to make a snack and half the world is infected or on fire? I told you to take care of yourselves and each other! How could you fuck that up?

People: Don’t tell us what to do! You are not our dad/mom!  You are just trying to trick us! (cough cough)

2020: Trick you into not being sick? Who does that??

People: Oh you know, you are one of them….trying to take us over.

2020: No one wants to take you over! The entire universe passes by this place with their windows rolled up and their doors locked because you freak people out! Parallel dimension entities pop in to take pictures and run away because you all are that crazy! Even they stopped coming because you all are utterly insane! Honestly, you are the only planet who can scare ghosts away!

People: Come on, this is all your fault, you are just mean. You never like us anyway.

2020: Mother, Father…I literally don’t know what to do with them. I tried listening, giving good advice, I told them to behave, and all they did is ignore me and blame everyone on me

Father Time (clutches Mother Nature’s hands and looks in her eyes): Well, it has finally happened….

Mother Nature: He’s not a little one anymore….he finally understand just how ungrateful the world is.

2020: Oh you all are a lot of help. (Puts hand on head) I’m getting too old for this year.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Piragi Recipe

  3/31/2024 Dear Future Me, this piragi recipe still works, but also note that we replaced Buttermilk with sour cream (impromptu thing)....and as Bob Ross taught us, it was a happy accident and it worked out great. We also tried doubling recipe and using KitchenAid but turned out dough on our massive cutting board to mix in the rest of the dough. Makes approximately 90. Also, cardamom works, 1tsp for double batch. (nov 2023 iteration of recipe) 1 lb bacon to 1 medium onion ratio - (keep at 3 lbs) chop bacon.  Best practice is to freeze portions of the strips...makes it easier. Dice the onions...prepare to cry.  When you sautee the bacon onion mixture...you want to cook it so the onion softens but the fat on bacon is not fully rendered. Add black pepper liberally. But salt really depends on how salty the bacon is. Do not drain anything. Put in a longer flatter container so all the juices distribute evenly.  Best practice is to let cool overnight. For the dough... 1/4 ...
Read more

Take a moment...

Take a moment and say "I love you" to someone you truly love. You never know when they will be gone. Or you never know when you will be gone, and the last words were harsh...or flippant...or rude. This moment might be the last chance you have to tell someone you love them, you cherish them, or where they fit in your life. This might be the last time you have to express the gratitude you have for that important someone. It might be a friend, a lover, a spouse, a child, a parent, a family member...or just someone who made a change in your life. It takes only seconds, but means so much more. Recently there were two people that I am friends with or familiar with who lost someone close to them. It made me think of what were my last words to the ones that I love, to the ones who have been there for me. Sadly, some of those words were not either kind, or ones of frustration and anger. In light of these issues, I want to make an effort to express myself. I can't tha...
Read more

Who Ordered the Shelter in Place with a Side of Sanity?

As of today, Illinois has a Shelter in Place order because of COVID and other states are probably going to do the same if they have not already. Wanna know what this means? Most of us are going to need rehabs and gyms when this is all over.  Yes, it is a serious situation. Essentially, the government is sending to our rooms for a timeout because we didn't listen to them in the first place. "Social distancing" is a nice way of saying, "you all are a bunch of dirty, sloppy, fools who are literally a sneeze away from catching a virus whose sole purpose is to kill you. We tell you to not touch your face and you smack your head and rub your eyes in response. As you read this, you are thinking about how itchy your nose is right now. Since there is there is no way you can handle being in public without groping face like it is your first make-out session in the backseat of your mom's car...go to your rooms while the adults clean up this mess." That wasn...
Read more