Who Ordered the Shelter in Place with a Side of Sanity?

As of today, Illinois has a Shelter in Place order because of COVID and other states are probably going to do the same if they have not already. Wanna know what this means?

Most of us are going to need rehabs and gyms when this is all over. 

Yes, it is a serious situation. Essentially, the government is sending to our rooms for a timeout because we didn't listen to them in the first place. "Social distancing" is a nice way of saying, "you all are a bunch of dirty, sloppy, fools who are literally a sneeze away from catching a virus whose sole purpose is to kill you. We tell you to not touch your face and you smack your head and rub your eyes in response. As you read this, you are thinking about how itchy your nose is right now. Since there is there is no way you can handle being in public without groping face like it is your first make-out session in the backseat of your mom's car...go to your rooms while the adults clean up this mess."

That wasn't the actual speech, but I can read between the lines. 

I can't say he is wrong. Years ago, I was riding the train from Chicago to Brookfield after one of my classes. I returned to college rather late in life and I had a few moments to rest before I returned home to the family. I put my head against the window, closed my eyes and sighed. When I opened them again, I witnessed someone also with their head against the window...licking it. 

I recoiled from the window like I was a vampire that was doused with holy water, I even hissed a little. Never did it occur to me someone would be licking windows on the train. And I know what you are thinking, he wasn't right in the head. I get that...however to this day that spot on my head still feels unclean. 

Don't even get me started on the things I have seen children do to buffets in restaurants. Sneeze guard my ass...their heads don't even reach it. "Sneeze guards" are there for 2 things. The 1st is so you bang your head while you are trying to read what the tiny tag claims is in the gravy substance you are brave enough to try. The 2nd is to trap just enough heat so the bacteria grows and feels frisky enough to latch onto your piece of food so it can clean out your colon well enough that you could do a colonoscopy without needing to drink that gross stuff they give you. (Yea, I'm that old.)

The good news is we can leave our houses and go for walks. The bad news is that it is March and we have more grey rainy days than sunny days. If we are extra good, we get a final snowstorm at the end March. (fingers crossed!) Nothing is open except essential stores and looking at empty toilet paper sections can only thrill me for so long. 

So, in the spirit of self quarantining, social distancing and mental stability, I'm dusting off some old things. This blog, for example. I suspect I'm going to try and find some of my kitchen equipment I have neglected and see what kind of concoctions I can make. I know I won't be the only one. I have a suspicion there will be a lot of old things dusted off and worked on in order to keep ourselves sane. 

Remember, 6 feet from your fellow human, no communal food...and stop licking windows.