Rules for Online Meetings

 Rules for online meetings:

1. Do not wait until last minute to figure out how to call into the meeting. Yes, you might be whimsical and carefree in your daily work life, but the longer it takes you to log into the meeting is the longer the meeting will take and you will be judged by those of us who show up on time. 

2. Mute your damn mic. No one wants to hear you chewing, or Maury in the background. or your jazzercize playlist, or your significant other on another call. Most importantly, and I cannot stress this enough, we don't want insight into whatever melodrama you have going on. And if you are going to call those 2 women drama queens....have the decency to name them because I don't want to try and figure out who you are talking about!

3. No one likes a paper shuffler when they are speaking. If you are going to flip pages constantly, might I suggest you get your shit together BEFORE the meeting. I know, it is petty, but your paper shuffling is distracting from the point I wasn't listening to in the first place. 

4. If you organize the meeting and you call in late, trust me when I say we are IMing and emailing about where the hell you are cuz you called this meeting in the first place. 

5. Any meeting scheduled after 4pm pretty much assures we are all not paying attention. Most of us are finishing our work or surfing the web, or we have you on speaker (but muted) and playing with the dogs. If you do the same on a Friday, we drinking already. 

6. Remember #2? Check it before you try and make a point...muted mics mean your point will not be heard. We have all done this...and we will do it again. 

7. When you ask a question, keep the pregnant pauses to a minimum and eliminate all subjects not pertaining to the meeting. If you have other things to discuss, keep us out of the loop and schedule another meeting with your intended targets. Keeping us hanging onto something that has nothing to do with us is cruel and unusual punishment. 

8. An online meeting should be like a shot, go in, administer the information, and get out. Anything longer than that causes more damage than it is worth. 

9. When we all get to meet in person again, please understand, we have lost the need to control our facial expressions, which means the first meeting will be awkward. Let me say this in advance....I'm sorry. 

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