Table + toes = pain
I have recently come to the conclusion that my coffee table is out to get me.
I know this sounds crazy. How can an inanimate object have that kind of goal in its existence? It is wood and glass and whatever else holds it together. It isn't capable of rational or irrational thought.
I've realized this. And I agree. But I believe my table is haunted by a poltergeist. It's the only explanation I have.
This table used to be the object of my affection. It held my books and notes on it without complaint. It held my drinks and laptop with ease. Never was there a harsh word spoken between us. Until.....it started attacking me.
The first few times I bumped into the coffee table I assumed it was just my fault. I was being a klutz and not looking where I am going. But things are getting out of control. My legs are constantly covered with coffee table height bruises. The table constantly jumps in front of me and makes me smack my toes on it too. 2 weeks ago I swore I broke my pinky toe on it. It was then I started to realized this once beloved table is seriously going to kill me one day.
An objective observer might believe that it is operator error, that walking around a table is the job of those keepers of the toes. I would agree it would be too. Except, the table is branching out. Suddenly everyone is walking into this beast of a table. It is plotting against all of us, mocking us with it seemingly inanimate position in the room. But it is only laying in wait, looking for the right moment to strike. Becaue if it is not the table.....my family and I have serious issues.
I know this sounds crazy. How can an inanimate object have that kind of goal in its existence? It is wood and glass and whatever else holds it together. It isn't capable of rational or irrational thought.
I've realized this. And I agree. But I believe my table is haunted by a poltergeist. It's the only explanation I have.
This table used to be the object of my affection. It held my books and notes on it without complaint. It held my drinks and laptop with ease. Never was there a harsh word spoken between us. Until.....it started attacking me.
The first few times I bumped into the coffee table I assumed it was just my fault. I was being a klutz and not looking where I am going. But things are getting out of control. My legs are constantly covered with coffee table height bruises. The table constantly jumps in front of me and makes me smack my toes on it too. 2 weeks ago I swore I broke my pinky toe on it. It was then I started to realized this once beloved table is seriously going to kill me one day.
An objective observer might believe that it is operator error, that walking around a table is the job of those keepers of the toes. I would agree it would be too. Except, the table is branching out. Suddenly everyone is walking into this beast of a table. It is plotting against all of us, mocking us with it seemingly inanimate position in the room. But it is only laying in wait, looking for the right moment to strike. Becaue if it is not the table.....my family and I have serious issues.
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